John 10:11-18; 4th Sunday of Easter

If mom and dad initiated me into Sunday mass, it was my Uncle Will who initiated me into spirituality. He was the kind of Catholic who constantly pursued deeper knowledge and wisdom in faith, prayer, and church life. So, he read inspirational books and saw spiritual directors like Frs Kiko Glover and RC Ocampo, God rest their souls. Whatever he learned as sheep, he passed on to me and kuya, as shepherd; but in our language, in our context as sons growing up in an emotionally complex household. Uncle Will was also surrogate parent. When things didn’t go well at home, he’d always bring us to a movie, eat out, give us a good time. He soon became actively involved in his para-ecclesial Catholic movement and eventually migrated to the US along with his family and many of their members to get a foothold for their community there.

“Dear Arnel, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s exactly one month after (our leader) died,” wrote Uncle Will last week. He’s had Parkinson’s for close to two years now. “Three months after that, I had major back surgery which leads me to ask God, ‘What do you want for me now?’ The first 40 years, I was certain where God was leading me. I was very active in the community, travelling, giving retreats all over the world.” Uncle Will was that uncle you never imagined would grow old or ever walk with a shuffle, or just slow down. “Today, I can’t do them anymore. I spend most of my time with my children and grandchildren. This gives me so much joy. But something seems lacking. What remains unanswered is: ‘Is this God’s plan for me?’ How do I know whether this is God’s will?”

Uncle Will is now going through diminishment. I’m sure there’ll be a kinder, more politically correct word for that very soon. But that’s what we Jesuits call it for now. Diminishment. My heart goes out to Uncle Will. He really was an exceptional shepherd to their flock. I bet this was because he was such a good sheep on his way there. I was his sheep. I know. But now, baliktad na. Shepherd sends email to sheep and asks: “Nel, is this God’s will for me? How do I know for sure?” I actually could feel my uncle’s sadness in that email, dear sisters and brothers. And I’ve never seen him sad over himself.

Thomas Aquinas: “Omne agens agit sibi simile.” Clunkily put: everyone creating creates a similar-to-oneself. In other words, whatever we create bears an imprint, an image, a verisimilitude of us on it. So, because God is our Creator, then, we all have an imprint, an impress of God in us: goodness, beauty, love, etc. We learned that in grade school religion, ‘di ba? Now I was thinking, since God is Divine Shepherd, then, we must have an impress of the Shepherd in us all. But God became incarnate in Jesus, and Jesus was first good sheep before he grew up to be Good Shepherd. So, we must also have an impress of the Sheep in us all.

I guess this is why we have lay people studying theology in LST. Several are senior citizens, very accomplished in their fields, either retired or semi-retired. They feel the need to be shepherded more deeply into faith-life and spirituality. And because that’s more fun doing as a flock, some have formed little groups. They do prayer sessions, recollections, and masses together. But they’re still very much shepherds, too: parents to their families, pastoral heads in their parishes, advisers to former employees. Omne agens agit sibi simile. We all have the good sheep and the good shepherd in us because our Creator is Divine Shepherd and was once upon a time also sheep in Jesus. At hindi naging maramot ang ating Pastol. He continues to share with us some measure of shepherd power, like he did w/ his disciples. Like him, we’ve led and guided, taught and counselled, fed and provided. We’ve been healers, forgivers, and even wonder-workers, too, like Peter and John in our first reading today.

But as dear Uncle Will is going through now, our diminishment will eventually bring us back to default: sheep. At hindi ‘yon madali. Nasanay tayong pastol. In fact, our reason for living is shepherding, regardless of dying a thousand deaths a hundred times for the flock. Kaya alam natin ‘yung sinasabi ni Hesus na laying down one’s life for the sheep. That’s why we hear of the bed-ridden who “refuse” to die even when already gasping for air and right at the edge of eternity…until a sheep whispers in their ear: “Dad, ma, we’ll be okay. You may rest na po.”

Sisters and brothers, I don’t think it’s too soon to ask for this grace: “Lord, when my time for diminishment comes, please give me the grace of being a good sheep once again. And please help me make that my reason for living. Please make being sheep my reason for everyday joy, kahit madalas, nakatanaw na lang ako sa malayo; my reason for everyday gratitude, kahit na uugod-ugod na ako at marami nang dinaramdam; my reason for still loving kahit na lagi ko nang limot ang mga pangalan ng mga nagmamahal sa akin. Please make being sheep not a reason to feel useless, abandoned, and wishing for death, but rather reason to thank you for my life and reason to keep giving life by simply loving.” Kasi kahit nauubusan na tayo ng lakas ng katawan, siguro naman hindi tayo mauubusan ng pag-ibig, lalo na kung marami tayong ipon habang malakas pa tayo. Sana.

Takot din po ako sa diminishment. For the past couple of years, I’ve been thinking about it more often than I ever did before. But the other day, I seem to have heard the Lord say: “Arnel, anak, I created all of you because the love I have in my heart is pretty useless if I cannot share it. You, my sheep, are my reason for living because you are my reason for loving. Why do you think I offer you eternal life? So that our living and loving will go on forever. I created you to be good shepherds, yes. But I want you to remember that you, all of you, are, have always been, and will always be my sheep. And at the end of the day, the Good Shepherd always leads the sheep home. Back home to myself.”

*image from the Internet