Mark 8:27-35; 24th Sunday in Ordinary Time

Don’t you find it interesting, sisters and brothers, that even Jesus asked for feedback? Many of us secretly dread asking that question.“Who do people say that I am?” The snap survey got positive results, fortunately: “John the Baptist; others Elijah; still others, one of the prophets.” But Jesus just had to crank it up to an even scarier question you and I wouldn’t normally ask our friends: “What about you? Who do you say that I am?”

Whether from people who know us or from people who don’t, positive feedback always feels good, whether we ask for it or not. But to solicit feedback, especially from people who know us well, and to ask them who they really say and think we are in all truth, naked and unvarnished, would we be ready to hear bad feedback along with the good–and not have it secretly ruin our mood, our day, or even the friendship?

Many religious communities do a seminar on proper feedback-giving. It’s even an annual thing in some seminaries. However, we Asians are still averse to direct feedback because that’s too confrontational for Asian sensibilities. Second, people who do give us feedback freely and officially—like superiors, formators, presidents, their council—they themselves are touchy and sometimes, even vindictive, when given bad reviews. Third, it’s toughest to give feedback to people you owe. How do you tell volunteers, benefactors, fundraisers, for example, when they’re already being intrusive and manipulative, controlling and suffocating,and not hurt their feelings or strain the relationship? I’m sure all these happen to lay communities, too, like in a parish, school, the office, or even in families. So, ang tapang talaga ni Hesus. Soliciting and receiving feedback is a very mature thing to do. But it’s not for the fainthearted.

I’m more anxious about today’s youth, though, especially because I have nephews and nieces in their 20s. Oh, they eat FB and IG for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; and FB doesn’t mean “fried bacon,” and IG is not “insaladang gulay.” I’ve gathered that lots of young people today feel instantly demolished when they get negative feedback…on social media…from people…they do not even know! Why get all bent out of shape over something from a nobody who probably has too much do-nothing-time in life!?” Still, it kinda makes you wonder: has social media really made us more vicious but more fragile? A negative comment today is straightaway called “bashing.” The commenter who does it is straightaway a “hater.” Wasn’t bashing verbal or physical assault that’s relentless, cruel, and destructive? Wasn’t “hater” the opposite of “lover,” which technically presumes a relationship? But today, a deprecating comment on a post is bashing, and whoever slings it is a hater who’s otherwise unrelated to you by any stretch of the imagination. But apparently, it sends people into an emotional tailspin, especially the young. Solution? AI Virtual Lover and similar apps – ever heard of them? You can now create multiple virtual lovers. The apps are marketed as “good places to practice relationship skills for the socially anxious.” But by all means, bring to life your virtual lovers, created in your own image and likeness. And listen to them tell you only the things you want to hear anywhere, anytime, anyhow.

Sisters and brothers, if it’s too daunting to ask, “Who do people say, who do you say, that I am?”, maybe we can compensate by learning how to “read the room”? If we wish our humanity to deepen and mature as the Lord meant us to do so, but we’re iffy about direct feedback, then maybe we can sharpen our interior senses instead. Be more perceptive in hearing not just what people say, but also in listening to what they’re not saying. Be mindful of what we say, not just content but also volume, intensity, and frequency. Watch the pattern of our relationships, especially the failed ones. And finally, maybe we could disabuse ourselves of the thought that we are indispensable.

You know, sisters and brothers, how heroic are the people who continue to love and care for us despite ourselves. They who know the true numbers of our naughty and our nice; yet, they do not keep count. They who can instantly tell apart our assumed personas from our real persona; yet, they still look beyond our duplicities. If ever these people tell us who they say we are, it can be quite painful. But their love and faithfulness is feedback enough–enough to make us strive to be better. Sa kabila ng lahat, hindi pa rin nila tayo pinababayaan. Eh ‘di parang ang Diyos. So like God.

After the glowing feedback people and his apostles gave him, the worst bashing from his angriest haters was still to come. Only after putting him through hell and God raised him back to life would his bashers and haters realize that everything people said he was—was true.